Be Careful What You Wish For
A Cautionary Tale
On Friday night, minutes before I opened a bag of jellybeans for Easter, I remarked to my best friend how funny it would be to find, “one of those weird food auctions, like a penis.”
Lo and behold, look at what she found in the ahem, sack:
a large 1 1/8 inch x 5/8 inch black licorice candy penis with testicles. It looks to be three factory defect / fused jellybeans. They are molded into one smooth unit.

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Submitted By Angela

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YOU ARE BIDDING ON A VERY SEXY MYSTERY THONG! WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, ONLY THE WINNING BIDDER WILL KNOW! I WILL PICK AND SEND THE SEXY THONG OF MY CHOICE TO THE WINNING BIDDER! THONG WILL BE SIZE MEDIUM! FREE SHIPPING! THIS AUCTION STARTS AT JUST A PENNY! ITEM WILL BE SENT OUT, FIRST CLASS, TO THE WINNING BIDDER, AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, ONCE PAYMENT IS RECEIVED! PLEASE CHECK OUT MY OTHER AUCTIONS, AND ADD ME TO YOUR LIST OF FAVORITE SELLERS! I ADD NEW AND UNIQUE ITEMS AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE!

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Submitted By Amanda

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Who could possibly need “Instant Girlfriend”? Glad you asked! There is a full line-up of potential candidates!
Did your girl just dump you and you’re dying to stick it to her (figuratively)? It’s not so easy for “Dear John” to go out and nab himself a new dame right away….OR IS IT?
Make that “old lady” GREEN WITH ENVY when you flash photos of your new hottie and read luscious lines from the steamy letters she sends you.d
So the guys at the golf course are giving you a hard time? Telling you that you’re just an “old man” and have lost your mojo?
Well, that may be so, but with INSTANT GIRLFRIEND you’ll have the girl of your dreams…sans expensive shopping trips and late night “what are you thinking about?” inquiries.
All the girl…none of the hassle! Oh, it doesn’t get ANY better than this!

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Submitted By Lucy

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Cody returned from the Ultimate Hippie Vacation believing that he was a prominent celebrity. He became convinced that paparazzi, stalkers, “the satellite people”, and various other groups were now scrutinizing his every move. He claimed that he had discovered hidden cameras inside his bus and destroyed as many as he could find. He showed us the remnants of the “cameras” which looked strikingly similar to old computer microchips.

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Submitted By Rhonda

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Here’s your opportunity to have something the competition does not have.This GIANT FOOT measures roughly 8 feet tall and on trailer 11ft +/- tall and rides on a 20ft ftabed steel trailer.It was constructed out of fiberglass and steel and the outer skin was designed to feel like skin(just tougher/courser) and appear to be same. I thought the creator did a great and it has been used to promote a foot company.We used it to promote our company and it has been alot of fun.We have rented iy out and one of our trucks pull it around a city or park at a location promoting their product. It has been used for restaurants, mortgage company, sport teams, shoe stores, podiatrist, concession stands, radio station, nightclubs, reatil stores,parades and many more.

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Submitted By Steve

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Own my green hook toe nail!
When I was a baby, a bed frame was leaning against the wall–one thing led to another and it fell on my little baby foot. At least this is what my parents told me…anyways…it has never grown right.
I have been dealing with it for years, hooking on my socks and hurting when I wear steel toe boots. I’ve cut it off, pulled it out and tried some weird things to get rid of it and nothing works. So now I am selling the newest edition of the green hook toe.
Why would you want it? Either because you are strange and like to collect wierd things or because you want to scare people or scratch them with the hook.

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Submitted By Jim

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Opening a bag of Starburst Jelly Bean Sours today, I saw something totally weird!! This Jelly Bean that looks like a fetus. It is photographed exactly as it was when I found it (crack and all). It looks like a fetus with its hands up under its chin. You can see from the Starburst logo that this wasn’t something I mashed together.
This is meant as a novelty and not candy to be eaten, however what you do with it once you own this really crazy item is up to you.
Be the person who bought the Crazy Fetus Jelly Bean! I’m starting the bidding low, so go for it!

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Submitted By Michelle B.

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Here’s an auction that will have you in ’stitches’ literally… *cue silly drum crash*
Obviously those ‘stitches’ will not belong to you, so if you’re wanting to own your very own stitches here’s where my auction can help.
Background info:
It started last tuesday where I was casually just washing up the dishes as I always do after my graze (that’s Zimbabwean slang for food). I was washing a glass which did have two break lines on it almsot forming a ‘V’. I should have seen it coming but as I was washing the edge of the glass… *snap!* the ‘V’ breaks off and the glass leaves a nice big gash* in my finger which won’t stop bleeding *cries*.

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Submitted By Neil C.

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This was the first (and hopefully the last) time that I have ever broken a bone in my body. You’d think that a 39 year old man would know better than to try and move an immovable object with his fist. The reason for selling this cast is twofold. First is the memory of this whole experience, getting rid of the cast should help alleviate this a bit. The second reason is that eBay will not let me sell my wife in an auction. This of course brings me to the “why” for breaking my hand in the first place. Yes I have control of my own actions but there are somethings that can make a person so completely angry that they lose control every now and then.

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Submitted By Will

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Enjoy snooker?
Want a great chance to help the future of a young snooker ace?
This is the story of Ben, a 12 year old boy who has ADHD.
A couple of years ago he stumbled upon snooker and it was to change his life.
It helps him with his concentration levels and by the very nature of the game it also encourages ‘appropriate behaviour’.
The more Ben plays the better he is becoming at his game.
We have even succeeded in purchasing a full sized snooker table for him to further improve his game.
There-in lies our problem. We now need to raise in excess of £3,000 in order to install a (very large) shed in the back garden to house the table which is currently in storage.

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Submitted By Amanda R.

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“I WANT THIS THING OUT OF MY HOUSE!”
It started out innocently enough, I wanted to make a Hitler pez for a laugh…I measured up Adolf’s cranial features from a variety of sources and fed them into a computer. Then I worked like a madman for days, hand sculpting, checking, rechecking and finally painting! From the first glance I couldn’t get those piercing eyes out of my head. I went out to by a packet of cigarettes, still in a weakened stupor from lack of sleep, I narrowly missed being hit by a car, but not just any car it was a Volkswagon! The very car designed by Hitler himself!!! I wont even say who was at the wheel instead I’ll prove it. I kid you not…

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Submitted By Archie B.

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am rummaging through my human dad’s truck and I stumble upon 2 UNROLLED Tim Hortons coffee cups! UNROLLED! I can’t unroll them. My claws are too long. So, I am thinking……..SELL THEM ON EBAY! Then I can get a well deserved day at the SPA!
You are bidding on 2 UNROLLED used Tim Hortons coffee cups. They may or may not be WINNERS in the Roll Up to Win Promotion on now at Tim Hortons! Imagine…a Toyota Rav 4…..a Broil King Barbeque…..a 50” Plasma TV…..$1000 Cash or “Try Again”

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Submitted By Mark

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